Quit Listening to Imposters!

For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in, I needed clothes and you clothed me, I was sick and you looked after me, I was in prison and you came to visit me.  Matthew 25:36, NIV
    
If you have been shattered by abuse, then you are likely already drowning in bad advice. Imposters come in all shapes, sizes, and temperaments and from all walks of life. They are hard to spot at first; the truth is that they are usually very well-meaning people who are really only trying to help you. But bad advice is toxic, hurtful, and violates the principles of Matthew 25:35-36.

My road to recovery has been made far rockier by the ill-informed ideas of some pastors, elders, teachers, friends, and others who I'm sure meant well, but who actually brought more guilt, pain, confusion, discouragement, and finally despair. These people did not minister God's grace.

While I struggled with the issues that follow severe abuse survivors, such as post-traumatic stress disorder, guilt, and depression, my recovery was stunted, slowed, detoured, obstructed, and nearly destroyed by the well-meaning, the uninformed, and the unskilled who were willing to give quick-fix answers to some of my most deep and impossible situations. And when their advice did not work, they did not blame themselves; they simply said that I did not have the faith that was required for miracles.

During my time of recovery, I was given every explanation possible as to why I was struggling with such deep and unrelenting pain, and was given tons of advice on how I could move forward and recover. I was told that I needed to pray more, worship more, praise more, get excited about God more, feel the Spirit more, and—my favorite one of all time—that I needed to put more money in the collection plate when it came around. Even my abuser joined the chorus of those who sang from the wrong hymnal and told me that “prayer got him through the day” and that I should “try it sometime.” Imagine the arrogance of the man who never apologized for a single beating to counsel me on how to recover from 14 years of terror and fear inflicted by him and my mom. I consider this simply stunning, but, sadly, far from unusual.

Imposters can do more to derail your healing process than the traumatic memories of the abuse itself. If you are going to heal, then you must eliminate the advice of the posers, the imposters, and the ill-informed—even tune out the advice of well-meaning friends who actually hurt your recovery rather than aid it.  

Next Time: Identify the Imposter and Run!