Abba

For you did not receive a spirit that makes you a slave again to fear, but you received the Spirit of sonship. Romans 8:15 NIV

Before we begin, I would like to clear up a misunderstanding. When I talk about faith in God, it is not because I am weak. The contrary is true; I am amazingly strong, and it is God who reminds me of that from time to time.

I have been writing my life story, which I will someday publish in a novelized form. The first few chapters are almost finished. Reliving those chapters was hard—really hard. Finding the best way to describe just a one week segment of my experiences took four months. It is gripping and tragic, but it shows the power of God. He is not a concept; He is the bright and morning star.

I have not posted recently because writing my story enveloped all my time, energy, and strength of will, purpose, and mind. And in the end, my strength was not enough. I was overwhelmed by what I needed to write. That’s when I had to make a choice: Rely on my strength, or write some of the most intimate details of my life with His integrity and strength. It was a tough choice, as the material led me close to my breaking point and then far beyond.

I finally surrendered to His immense grace, spent weeks listening and learning, and now I am ready to blog again. I hope each of you will understand that your greatest strength may very well be your ability to own your weaknesses and look into the face of your Father and call Him “Abba.”

Powerful Hands

There are powerful hands that are ready to lift you up. These hands are ready and able to strengthen, heal, and lead you. The owner of these hands created all that exists and even knew you and your present issues before the birth of time.

So As you walk forward and learn to heal from the pains of life, there are provisions that you will need. You may look at the world and wonder where your help, strength, and provision will come from. You might scan the horizon and see nothing but loss or impossibility stacked upon impossibility.

Yes, He knew this, and He made a plan for you; a way forward even though you can’t see a way forward. And even when you can’t hope, that way forward is still there. Even now when you can’t see, He is leading you.  So now is a great time to listen, look, search and remember all the leadings, promptings and nudgings of His Spirit. Keep a notebook starting right now. Come on, get off that couch right now and find a notebook. At the top of the page put the title, "God is Speaking Now". Write every note, nudge, leading and inspiration He gives you. Now, your eyes may fail you, just like mine once did, but His Spirit will never fail to lead you in His paths. 

Father, we have had our lives disrupted in profound ways far beyond anything that we ever expected or were prepared for. Now we must learn to depend on You to lift us up, lead us forward, and make us strong again. Help us to accept this as a real opportunity to learn to trust You like a little child. Give us the eyes to really see You and understand Your love so that we can grow in faith and trust.  

We know that some of our pain is the result of things that were set in motion during our childhood. Some is the result of misfortune, and some may be the result of immaturity, inexperience, or our own sin. Some of it is simply the result of life and living in a wildly wicked and perverse world.

Father, please forgive us for the mistakes we have made, and help us to learn to forgive those who have hurt us or hurt the ones we have loved. Help us now to learn to live with the mighty and most fearsome faith of a little child.  For it is that pure faith that is so terribly dreaded by the demons of hell itself. So we ask this in the name of the one who kneels right here beside us right now, the name of Jesus Christ, the Son of the living God. Amen!

Psalm 18: 16−19, NIV:

¹⁶ He reached down from on high and took hold of me;
  he drew me out of deep waters.
¹⁷ He rescued me from my powerful enemy,
  from my foes, who were too strong for me.
¹⁸ They confronted me in the day of my disaster,
  but the LORD was my support.
¹⁹ He brought me out into a spacious place;
  he rescued me because he delighted in me.

I Just Had to feel My Way Forward

You may have tried a thousand times to find a way to heal. But now you still hurt, maybe even more than you could ever try to explain. I’ve been there, and I understand. I couldn’t walk away from my pain and I just couldn’t heal. I just had to feel my way forward while I was full of bone-dry and silent tears.

But I was not alone; I was never alone and neither are you. Even now, as you and I talk through the power of technology, you are not alone. Someone far more powerful than I is right there with you.

There is an ancient teaching that tells us that where two or three are gathered together in the Creator’s name, He is also there. The teaching also states that if you (all) ask anything in His name, He will do do it. The only limit is that we don't ask out of an evil or selfish heart. Take a minute and ponder that. The Creator of the universe is gathered together with us right now as we are about pray. 

So let’s pray with all the honesty and humility we posess: Father, we come to you in need of Your help, Your intervention, and Your joy for we have muddled our own way through for far too long. Fill our hearts once more with Your joy. Provide for our needs and help us to provide for the needs of others. Forgive us and teach us to learn how to forgive others. Hold us closer than Your own breath, even when we try to pull away and Heal, restore, and reinvent our lives in Your image. Help us! We ask you in the name of Jesus, who is here with us now even as we gather here to pray. Amen.

Are You Ready for a Stinking Miracle?

“Take away the stone,” he said. “But, Lord,” said Martha, the sister of the dead man, “by this time there is a bad odor, for he has been there four days.” John 11:39, NIV

If a sense of hopelessness is making you discouraged, then here is a post that will make your day! If you have given up on a dream, then this post will lift your heart and put a smile on your face. Now, I am dealing with personal material that is hard to share, but I do so in the hope that you will gain from my mistakes. It is common for those of us who have been bruised by abuse to struggle; I hope my struggles encourage you. I will make this a short series to avoid a very long post.  

Do you have dreams that have been buried? If so, let me share my biggest one with you. I wanted to be a pastor with every beat of my heart. It was 1968 and the Vietnam draft and the war itself were splitting our nation. I had just graduated from high school and the draft made it difficult for young men because if you dropped out of college for any reason, you were likely to be drafted and sent off to war.

To further set the scene, I had spent years in a home that was pockmarked with abuse, deception, and threats of death. My home claimed to be a Christian one, but my mom’s mental illness ruled and it was a terrible place to live. Just a few months prior to graduation, my mom held a butcher knife to my throat. It was not a safe place to live or thrive.  

But ahead of me was the almost impossible task of learning Greek, Hebrew, and Latin along with all my regular classes. These three languages were essential in order for me to become a Lutheran pastor and that was my dream, so I was determined to learn them.

On top of that challenge was yet another. Emotionally, I was at least four to six years younger than my chronological age because I had lived in near total isolation and terror for so many years. Now if you were to have asked me back then I would never have told you that I was abused. I would've told you that my parents were extremely strict. But the truth was far more brutal than that.

If I had just started out to be a Lutheran minister, without all the abuse and terror through which I lived, I would have been ordained as a pastor. What occurred though was far different than that. At first, I couldn't cut the language issues very well and I had no idea of what to do with my newfound freedom. Since I had never had freedom even for a single day, I was bewildered and totally unable to handle it. 

I was a very poor student in my first semester, but I tried hard in the second semester and brought my grades back in spectacular fashion. I studied as hard as I could and was beginning to feel a little bit more secure in my personal relationships, but felt that I was so different from everyone there. My experience level was like that of an eighth-grader not a college freshman. I embarrassed myself in so very many ways.

Then I made a mistake which changed my life forever. I had been studying for three or four days. The night that I pulled my very first all-nighter, one of the professors came by to check out how things were going with everyone. When he came by my room, he saw how tired I was. He had never paid much attention to me before that day even though he was a frequent visitor on our floor. I knew his name but that was all.

He suggested that I might need some time away from the books; an hour or so of relaxation, so he invited me over to his home. I was honored to be invited by a professor. When I walked into his home, he offered me a drink and by treating me like an adult, he gained my confidence. Now I knew I wasn't supposed to drink, but somehow just being asked seemed like such a great honor. I drank most of it; my head began to swim as my dreams drowned. When I awoke, my clothes and my dreams were both undone. I found out later that this man had abused many others over a good many years. The school, however, protected him and decided to make an example out of me. I was told that my parents would get a letter informing them of all that had occurred that night.

I joined the Marine Corps less than six days later. My parents got a bewildering letter from the school which included nothing about the incident, but informed them that I was not welcome back the next year. My parents eventually investigated and discovered the truth.

I bring this up because last week my pastor read a quote from the book of John. Lazarus, the brother of Martha, was dead. When Jesus asked her where he was buried, Martha protested His implied intent of opening the grave by saying, “Lord, by this time he stinketh…”

Although I had read and heard this Scripture many other times, at that very instant the Spirit of the Lord said to me, “Bob, are you ready for a stinking miracle?” In other words, "Is there some hope or dream that has been buried for days or years? Has death destroyed your hope somehow?"

I think we are comfortable with little miracles, but we don’t believe for the unbelievable to happen. But God wanted to remind me of the thousands of buried dreams which long ago had begun to stink. Big miracles reveal our total need for Him, our failures, our weaknesses, and sometimes our sin.     

But who wants a stinking miracle? Who wants to come forward and speak of where they buried their dreams? Who wants to admit their own shame? Who will speak of their own failures and sin? Listen. If you want a stinking miracle, it's time to tell Jesus where the tomb is hidden. Now remember, He already knows so don’t ever be embarrassed. He is easily approached by the humble, easily entreated by the grieving who remembers where their dreams are buried, and easy to speak to in prayer.

Cast Away - Wilson I'm sorry

This is the video for the reference in yesterday's post about the movie Castaway.  It's well worth the 4 1/2 minutes.  Really feel this man's loneliness and ask yourself if you know anyone feeling this way, and how Jesus wants us to respond.  Have you ever felt loneliness like this?

We who hold the souls of others in our hands, who counsel, teach and preach must remember that these souls have been entrusted to us and that we will need to account for them someday. 

I met a man after God's heart. The first man who understood; the first pastor who ever really listened. It took several years to heal but I am now healed thanks to my wife, a great therapist, and God. 

May God lead us in our walk with Him and our service to the broken hearted. May He fill us with wisdom, remove all our critical influences and memories so that our ministry is safe, secure and loving. May He forgive us for when we have not listened and give us the chance to attend many "Wow" moments in the years to come.

Spiritual Abuse – Part 3

In the 2000 movie “Cast Away,” Tom Hanks plays Chuck Noland, a real-life systems engineer for FedEx. In a terrible storm, Noland’s plane is blown far off course where it crashes at sea and he alone survives. Castaway on a deserted island, he faces the rigors of survival and the ever-dwindling hope of rescue.

  

But with high tide comes a glimpse of hope. FedEx packages from the crash wash onto the shore. Inside, Noland finds a volleyball and a pair of ice skates. Both become essential to his survival and are used in ways so different from their original design.

The ice skates become the Swiss Army knife of Noland’s four-year ordeal, giving him the ability to crack coconuts, cut vegetation, and build shelter. When he accidentally cuts his hand, a bloody handprint is deposited on the volleyball. Later, consumed by his desperate loneliness and dwindling hope of rescue, Noland notices his own handprint on the volleyball. Slowly the volleyball becomes his imaginary friend whom he names “Wilson.” From that point on, “Wilson” becomes Noland’s friend and confidant.

Noland creates a crude raft but is blown back by the wind and the breakers. Four years later, after learning the weather patterns, tides, and better raft-building skills, he sets sail for another desperate chance at rescue. With “Wilson” at his side keeping him company through the first few days of relative quiet, all is well. Then a violent storm arises and separates the two. Noland, in a heartbreaking scene, desperately tries to save “Wilson” from being swept away at sea. The need for human contact, for affirmation, for comfort, and for love drive him far beyond the breaking point, and it personifies what those who have been afflicted by abuse feel deep within the crevasses of their soul. When you watch Noland’s struggle, you see and feel the depth of loneliness which occurs when a human being is cut off, isolated, and hopeless.

Finally, Noland’s story reminds me of the ordeal that survivors of abuse endure. The abused child experiences life as a castaway too. They too are lonely and desperate and although they have not had their lives mangled by shipwreck, their birthright of love, safety, tenderness, and compassion has been scuttled by those whose homes, hearts, and lives should have provided safe harbor from the storms of life. Their innocence, which should have been protected even to the point of death, has washed up on the shores of a deserted island, shattered by indifference, drugs, sex, violence, anger, and selfishness. 

Now it's time for us to act, to put our arms around the brokenhearted and listen to their stories and the burdens they share. Like Noland, they may bear the memories of loneliness, despair, and hopelessness. They may rarely speak openly of their own “Wilson” moments—those times when their hearts broke like a porcelain doll, when they cried themselves to sleep, or when they began cutting themselves in a vain attempt to sedate their own heart and mind.

They may feel shame when they remember their struggle and their pain so listen carefully and refrain from quick judgments. Remember that for years I was told that I needed to pray more, read the Bible more, and give more in order to heal, but the reality was that I needed to be loved and listened to with an open, loving and understanding heart. 

Spiritual Abuse – Part 2

Like all of us, spiritual leaders can be wrong. I am sure that these leaders never meant to harm me or to make my walk with the Lord more perilous. I am sure that they never meant to short-circuit my faith, make me feel like an outcast, or despair of life itself. But that is what occurred, and I do believe that it was spiritual abuse. I really hate to say it, but it's true, it's common, and it must come to a halt.

Quick, judgmental, and easy answers cause a great deal of heartache among our believers. This is even more harmful to believers who suffer from emotional issues caused by abuse, rape, and sexual assault. These believers deserve far better leadership and far more encouragement, hope, support, and plain old human love and understanding. There are times when I have seen more love expressed by social service groups that do not have a Christian agenda than I have seen from those who claim to bear the cross of Christ.

Job suffered when his friends gave him poor and inaccurate counsel. Current-day believers also suffer when leaders fail to understand the issues of a deeply broken heart. And if the church is to be a place where healing occurs and lives are changed for the better, it must also be a place where the brokenhearted can come and feel safe and secure while they heal.

The reality is that God is sovereign and we are not. So we must avoid the pitfalls of critical hearts. Encourage those who are hurting by setting in front of them the hope and promise of becoming growing and thriving. Then remind them that they will be an inspiration to others someday.  

My gift is to encourage believers, and I guarantee you that a little bit of encouragement can lift the head of the grieving believer. There are times when your encouragement is all that is needed to set someone free. There are other times when you will encourage and it will seem like your encouragement has little effect. But the Lord will use your words of hope to touch the hearts of those who are open and ready to hear. Patience and faith are far more effective than people think. Stay focused and keep going. It will pay off!

One time I sat down with a pastor when I was in extreme distress. He asked me what was wrong and I told him my story of degradation and humiliation. I waited for him to interrupt me, but instead he did something that no other pastor had ever done before: he asked me to continue. Two hours later, after I had explained the depth of my experience, I again waited for him to speak. He drew in a deep breath and paused for a moment. Then he gave me the most encouraging Christian counsel I have ever heard. He exhaled and said, “Wow!” 

Sometimes we may just need someone to understand what we are going through and to just say, “Wow.” In his simple answer, I found a counselor that I could trust and a friend who understood. And most important of all, I also found a man who was comfortable with admitting that he didn't know all the answers. I respect him for that, big time. 

Let me know what you think.