Struggling to Heal

I struggle with things that are common to most, if not all, victims of abuse. I struggle to laugh, to trust, to have faith, to establish attainable goals, and to reach out to others. I struggle with believing in my value, being a better person, and finding a way to help someone just like me.

                  
I struggle because sometimes my mind takes me back to those places and times when I was most vulnerable and very much alone. When that happens, I have learned to share the pain and heartache with my wife as well as with a few highly trusted and very close friends. By sharing with those people who have earned my trust, I heal faster and more deeply. Sharing is an essential part of my healing.

But when I was younger, I was not as selective in determining whom to trust. I trusted everyone, which caused nearly insurmountable problems and slowed down healing to a large degree. Over time, I’ve learned to trust those who have earned it through their ability to listen and to love. To trust those who pray for me and not those who just say they pray for me.

I struggle because I know what I want to be and how I want to live, yet I am so very far away. I struggle because I have not fully healed and probably will never be completely healed prior to meeting God face-to-face.

I still struggle with grief for the childhood that was destroyed through abandonment, abuse, lies, and deception. Can tears wash away all that pain? No. But the Father does!

I received an e-mail today from someone who’s going through the healing process and feels like there is very little hope. She asked me, when will the pain end? It does end, but sometimes very slowly as layer after layer of bad memories are allowed to see the light of day.

 
If you are discouraged today and feel like giving up, I understand. Sometimes I feel that way, too. Sometimes progress seems so slow and healing so very far away. Little by little, I am being healed. Little by little, I am learning to trust His love and allow Him to touch my heart where it hurts.

Today is one of those days. Today He touched my heart and healed some of my secret pain. Today He told me, in a very personal and intimate way, that He loves me so much. Today He changed me just a little bit more.

He is our Father Who is in heaven, and His name is to be held above all others for He is the Creator and the Caretaker of our souls. He is the Author of life—our lives! He is able to slay the giants in your life and mine. He is able to fill us with His hope, His joy, His peace, and His life.

Let's give Him this moment! This moment, which is all we have right now, can be a great and treasured gift if we give it to Him! Let's enjoy healing at His pace! Let's trust Him to get us there!

Hey, let's go meet the Author of our lives and get filled in on the next chapter.  Let's see how He will autograph our souls!