I have been looking for the right words to begin again the conversations we have shared, and I can find no more properly suited or elegant means of communication than the simple phrase, "I am sorry."
In September 2009, I had a stroke and as a result I have many challenges that require a very strong will. My recovery stalled and my intellect failed as depression from being a shut-in took its daily toll. Other than a hurried drive to Taco Bell each day during my wife's lunch, I rarely left the house.
I knew something was wrong a few weeks ago when I was writing about David as he walked up the hill toward the great Goliath. I meditated on this epic moment depicted in the Bible for days. I waited for my heart to settle down and then I waited some more. I had no peace to continue speaking of David's brave moments before his battle because I had not yet decided if I had the faith to enter fully into my own new battle.
I lost my will to write because I knew that I was losing my own will to stand in front of my own Goliath. I knew I was going to have to stand and look him in the eye or be forever silent on the subject of faith. I understood that the world didn't need another coward who believed one thing and did another.
