Why I Have Been Silent - Part 1

I have been looking for the right words to begin again the conversations we have shared, and I can find no more properly suited or elegant means of communication than the simple phrase, "I am sorry."

                
In September 2009, I had a stroke and as a result I have many challenges that require a very strong will. My recovery stalled and my intellect failed as depression from being a shut-in took its daily toll. Other than a hurried drive to Taco Bell each day during my wife's lunch, I rarely left the house.

I knew something was wrong a few weeks ago when I was writing about David as he walked up the hill toward the great Goliath. I meditated on this epic moment depicted in the Bible for days. I waited for my heart to settle down and then I waited some more. I had no peace to continue speaking of David's brave moments before his battle because I had not yet decided if I had the faith to enter fully into my own new battle.

I lost my will to write because I knew that I was losing my own will to stand in front of my own Goliath. I knew I was going to have to stand and look him in the eye or be forever silent on the subject of faith. I understood that the world didn't need another coward who believed one thing and did another.

What I Really Fear

O LORD, do not forsake me; be not far from me, O my God. Come quickly to help me, O Lord my Savior. Psalm 38:21-22, NIV

I have delayed in writing because I am so unworthy to address others on the subject of faith. When I look into the eyes of my Goliath, my knees wobble at the enormity of the challenge before me and I wonder about the wisdom of God. Think of it, the young boy, David, and his sling against such a massive fighting machine, Goliath. Yet God picked him and he won the battle. But if you are like me, you may feel that your giant is too big to fall.

Pain in the form of humiliation, embarrassment, and shame can often haunt those of us who have dealt with severe childhood abuse. Sometimes struggle after struggle leads us to the end of hope. Sometimes we wonder where our next burst of faith will come from.

As I struggle with the results of my recent bilateral parietal stroke, I must look into the eyes of a powerful new adversary. But it’s not the stroke that is the adversary. It’s not the abuse or the memories of such that I fear. I am not even afraid of my new limitations or struggles. I am not afraid of the heart condition that came with this stroke. I do not fear the loss of independence although I freely admit I hate it.

What I fear is that I will bring shame to the One Who loved me so many years ago. I fear that others will never know the depth of God’s love, commitment, and grace to an unwanted little boy. I fear that my lifelong goal of encouraging others will wilt in the heat of my new day.

I fear myself. I fear I lack the will to fight Goliath on the field of battle.

Excuse me. I think I hear a giant!

Stand and Sing My Song

It's time to stand and sing my song
but hope must stand and sing along.
There's no more time to feel the pain

All the sadness, fear, and shame.
All tears of loss must slip away
Hope gives strength to kneel and pray.
While deadly battles rage anew
I will lift my head and worship You!

And I'll sing-

No weapon in the heavens or minds of men

Can break my spirit when I am one with Him!

Do You Whisper My Name?

Do You call to me?

Are You calling me now?
Do You call me even when the pain overwhelms me?

Do You sit beside me?

Will You share my meal with me?

Will You stay and chat awhile?

Will You, Lord?

Don't be afraid to ask God anything! Be open and real - He is!

Breakfast Without You

Being disabled is very lonely indeed but I must make the best of it, so today I...

Well that didn't work out, so I...

That neither...

So when I realized that Joe had hidden the steel-cut oats...
And the pan to cook them in was gone...

I looked into the refrigerator much farther than I, as a male, would ever prefer look!

 
I was left with only one choice: Cook for myself!

 
So I made a chorizo omelet (with chorizo left over from last week) with two Eggland's Best super large eggs (on sale on my birthday), shredded mozzarella cheese, and a secret blend of spices all sautéed to a delightfully sunny-golden brown.

 
This I carefully folded and centered on a large and colorful yet badly chipped plate and tucked in some Greek sour cream, sprinkled with a bit of garlic powder. Pal (my dog) admired my handiwork and later received a tiny portion then came back twice to lick the plate until all that it needed was a very slight rinse.

 
Then I wondered if I could change the world with just one blog post that encouraged all of you to never give up on your dreams.

 
Did it work yet?

Then I came up with a catchy phrase to celebrate all our future endeavors: Remember: Our past failures are never a reliable indicator of our future successes.

Well my eyes are giving way and I realize that I have many hours yet to go before my wife comes home. Due to my stroke, this e-mail took me nearly three hours to write and try to edit. I said, try to edit!!!!

 
It's almost lunchtime and I can't drive yet so it's time for a look in the old refrigerator again!

Yum - eggs!!!!

Struggling to Heal

I struggle with things that are common to most, if not all, victims of abuse. I struggle to laugh, to trust, to have faith, to establish attainable goals, and to reach out to others. I struggle with believing in my value, being a better person, and finding a way to help someone just like me.

                  
I struggle because sometimes my mind takes me back to those places and times when I was most vulnerable and very much alone. When that happens, I have learned to share the pain and heartache with my wife as well as with a few highly trusted and very close friends. By sharing with those people who have earned my trust, I heal faster and more deeply. Sharing is an essential part of my healing.

But when I was younger, I was not as selective in determining whom to trust. I trusted everyone, which caused nearly insurmountable problems and slowed down healing to a large degree. Over time, I’ve learned to trust those who have earned it through their ability to listen and to love. To trust those who pray for me and not those who just say they pray for me.

I struggle because I know what I want to be and how I want to live, yet I am so very far away. I struggle because I have not fully healed and probably will never be completely healed prior to meeting God face-to-face.

I still struggle with grief for the childhood that was destroyed through abandonment, abuse, lies, and deception. Can tears wash away all that pain? No. But the Father does!

I received an e-mail today from someone who’s going through the healing process and feels like there is very little hope. She asked me, when will the pain end? It does end, but sometimes very slowly as layer after layer of bad memories are allowed to see the light of day.

 
If you are discouraged today and feel like giving up, I understand. Sometimes I feel that way, too. Sometimes progress seems so slow and healing so very far away. Little by little, I am being healed. Little by little, I am learning to trust His love and allow Him to touch my heart where it hurts.

Today is one of those days. Today He touched my heart and healed some of my secret pain. Today He told me, in a very personal and intimate way, that He loves me so much. Today He changed me just a little bit more.

He is our Father Who is in heaven, and His name is to be held above all others for He is the Creator and the Caretaker of our souls. He is the Author of life—our lives! He is able to slay the giants in your life and mine. He is able to fill us with His hope, His joy, His peace, and His life.

Let's give Him this moment! This moment, which is all we have right now, can be a great and treasured gift if we give it to Him! Let's enjoy healing at His pace! Let's trust Him to get us there!

Hey, let's go meet the Author of our lives and get filled in on the next chapter.  Let's see how He will autograph our souls!

Faith That is Tested

Have you ever dared to believe in yourself just to find that you are the only one who really does? Have you ever had faith in what you believe even though everyone is telling you to give up? Have you ever dared to stand toe-to-toe with your own personal bully? If you have done any of these things then you know the feeling of being an underdog.

                                 
Faith without the risk of failure is flabby and anemic; it needs to be exercised by challenges and opportunities in order to grow and mature. Like a handsome stallion with the wind in its mane, faith must run free. The beauty of faith is never more evident than when it is free from the fear of failure.

As David walked up the hill toward Goliath, he knew the feeling that comes when faith is permitted to run free. Crossing enemy lines, David knew the feeling of faith that was ready to meet a giant head-on. With Goliath screaming in his face, David’s faith was about to be tested. 

I talk a lot about faith because I understand hopelessness and fear. From the time that I was 3½ years old to the time that I enlisted in the Marine Corps when I was 19, I was truly alone and lived in mortal fear of both of my adoptive parents. Here was Goliath screaming in my face. Facing him head-on tested my faith.  

If you live in pain from childhood abuse, sexual abuse, fear, rape, or trauma, I would like the opportunity to pray with you. I want to hear about your successes and failures, your hopes and dreams, what you’ve read that has inspired you. It’s encouraging to hear how God works. Please send me an e-mail at wordsfromthebench@gmail.com. I treasure your e-mails!!!!

Speaking opportunities: I would love the opportunity to speak to your group, large or small, about faith in the face of abuse. I believe that my story will touch the hearts of people in powerful ways. Right now I charge no fee for speaking. You may contact me via e-mail at wordsfromthebench@gmail.com.

Struggling to Stay Alive

Are you tired of listening to the bullies in your life?

David was!

Are you ready to take action?

                                           

David was!

So David said “No thank you” to King Saul and returned his tunic, armor, and helmet. Can you imagine that scene? The best armor the king could offer just wasn’t David’s size or style. It didn’t fit a shepherd!

 
David said goodbye to the king and headed toward the battlefield. Coming to a brook, he carefully selected five smooth stones and put them in his bag, gathered up his sling, and headed toward the Philistine.

Meanwhile, standing behind his armor-bearer, great big Goliath moved closer to David so that he could get a good look at the man who was brave enough to come out and fight him. But when he looked David over, Goliath saw that David was just a boy, ruddy in complexion and handsome. Goliath despised him!!

Does your Goliath despise you? This is not a rhetorical question. It begs for a deeply heartfelt response.

So I ask again: Does your Goliath despise you? Does your Goliath loathe you?  Does your Goliath look down on you and mock you? Does he despise your faith?
Are you tired of being despised by your Goliath? If you are like me, thinking about this makes you angry. Very angry.

But there is nothing that you have gone through that God cannot heal. Absolutely nothing. I know!

Thank You

I got an e-mail from someone who told me that the last post filled her eyes with tears. I am so glad to hear that people are responding this way. It means that God is working through the words to bring healing and comfort.

When God works through our words, we have become a part of the healing process for others. What a great opportunity and privilege! Thanks!

Why I Write

I got an e-mail a few days ago asking me why I write. For that reason, I’m including some personal information that may help you to understand who I am and what message, if any, I have to convey.

I write because I know what it feels like to be beaten in the night by those who claimed to love me.

I write because the words of my mom tore my heart in two.

I write because God’s hand has preserved me through nights of shame and hopelessness.

I write to touch just one broken heart.

I write because I have stood at the edge of insanity, asked God to take me home, and all God did was take my hand.

Yet these are not the only reasons why I write.

I write because I cannot stop!!! These words, which are not theology, will not stop for they come from a deeply grateful spirit that has been lifted from a bed of shame so deep and remote that the words cannot be fully spoken.

I write because I have been touched by God's intense concern for me, and He has not let go.

                                                                      

I write my stories to help you to better understand exactly who God is and how much He loves us for it was through story that God touched me.

When I was young boy, my adoptive mother was a very unhappy woman. In reality, she hated me. She hated my dad because he did not hate me. Beginning when I was about in third grade, my mom began using the Bible to punish me. I don’t think King James would have ever thought that reading his version of the Bible would be punishment, but when you’re a young boy with a speech impediment and told to read it out loud every night after supper for one hour while standing, it can actually be a form of punishment. I later learned that this was done to humiliate me. And it did. In fact, this psychological abuse caused me great damage. Lest you think that I’m off on a tangent, I just want to illustrate how God uses the terrible things in our lives to bring about good. How He turns what is destructive and harmful and brings forth beauty and insight.

Even though being forced to read the Bible out loud was meant to humiliate me,  I learned that the Bible is filled with real people. In a home that brought new meaning to the word abuse, God used His Word to bring hope through the halting voice of a third grader whose reading skills were so terrible that he was constantly mocked by his own mother. With a speech impediment that plagued me until seventh grade, I read. But as I read, I gained hope! I don’t believe that’s what Satan had in mind! I don’t believe that’s what my mother had in mind! But that’s what occurred. God used the daily reading of His Word to teach me about a young boy named David.

I can barely speak of the things that happened in that home. But in that home, I read a book from the Bible that was so filled with hope that I secretly read it on my own so that I could find out how the story ended. It is from the eyes of that broken child that I see David. It is through the eyes of hopelessness and pain that I write about this boy who gave me the hope to believe. When I talk about David, I cannot teach as a scholar for I am not trained as a scholar. I cannot instruct for I am not trained as a professor. And I cannot teach the intricacies of Hebrew or Greek because I failed both in my first semester of college.

But I can teach you about a young boy who changed history. I can teach you about an errand boy who was so devalued by his father that his father had nearly forgotten he existed. I can teach you about a young boy who was picked on by his older brothers and was likely mocked for being too young, too clumsy, too stupid, too everything else to amount to a hill of beans. From that perspective, I can show you the love and grace God has used to cover me and give me hope in some of the darkest times of my life. That’s why I write about David.

When I was a boy, I hid under the covers and thought about what it would have been like to go up against Goliath. I wondered if I would have had the courage. Many times I sat there for what seemed like hours thinking about the five smooth stones. In my mind, I could touch and feel them, and wondered what it would have felt like to walk that distance toward certain death. What I didn’t realize then is that Goliaths come in all shapes and sizes. I also didn’t realize that God’s love is so strong that Goliath and all of his raging could not keep me from Him and His great love. But one thing I did know: I wanted to be like David.

But to be like David, I had to get angry deep within my being at my fear and indecision. I had to live on the rash side of life, and walk out from behind the crowd of Israelites into full view of my Goliath and look him in the eye. I had to step out so he could see me. And when I stepped out, I found that I was in the power of the Holy Spirit and in the company of God’s angels.

As many of you know, I recently had a stroke and before that I had cancer and struggled with deep, recurrent depression. For so many years, I wondered whether I had the strength to survive. I cried out for God to heal me for so long that I thought He had gone as stone cold as death. But finally, after months of prayer, God slowly started to move. As I listened to my pastor preach sermon after sermon, tears streamed down my face. And God saw the tears! God saw the heart crying out to him. God looked back in time and saw the little boy hiding under his covers. God saw that little boy and had mercy on him! That’s why I talk about Goliath! Because I want all my friends to understand the richness of God’s love for little boys and girls whose Goliath seems so big and terrifying.

That’s why I write!

The Angels are Cheering You On

Imagine standing in the ranks of the Israelites, hearing the booming voice of Goliath day after day. Wouldn't that be terrible? It's painful to think about, but it happens every day and we don't even know it. As you know by now, I have a very tender heart toward those who are in pain or have been abused. I want to remind us all that we have been listening to Goliath’s speeches for far too long. Our friends have been beaten down by the enemy’s lies and most of the time we don't take the time to notice. Our time is at such a premium in our busy lives that we don’t even notice the pain our friend is feeling. You may be called to kill a giant and capable of doing so, but if you’re too busy, you will be ineffective. It's not enough to be willing to slay a giant, not enough to be trained in the art and science of giant killing, and it's not enough to write a blog describing the latest and greatest strategies of giant management and psychology. Sooner or later, your heart and mine will have to burn with a fiery passion to tell a giant to shut his filthy mouth! That's how you pick a fight with a giant!

So I ask you today, are you getting angry at your giant? Are you tired of his taunts and lies and the fears that those lies bring? Are you ready to say, “Enough is enough and I'm not going to take it anymore!”? Are you tired of the devastation caused by a foul-mouthed giant? Are you getting angry enough to do something about it? I am, and so was young David.

One of the greatest opportunities of my life and one that I dearly miss was the opportunity to touch the lives of my employees. I came to love the interview process because I learned so much about a person by listening to them tell me about their abilities, their strengths, and their passions. What far outweighed anything else was passion. I learned that if a man or woman had passion, they would find a way to succeed at anything they tried to accomplish.

Saul had been looking for someone who had the courage to take on Goliath. David walks up to him and says in 1 Samuel 17:32 NIV “Let no one lose heart on account of this Philistine; your servant will go and fight him.” That begins David’s battlefield interview. David had the attitude of a giant killer, and King Saul was listening—listening to the heart of young boy who couldn't even wear the king's armor but who would one day pick up his crown.

                                                                                    

So David stood before the king and laid out his resume. Graves are filled with men who even dared to speak to a king, yet David, bold but respectful of the king and his authority, approached him with wisdom and laid out a record of fearless capability. 1 Samuel 17:34-37 tells us, “But David said to Saul, ‘Your servant has been keeping his father’s sheep. When a lion or a bear came and carried off a sheep from the flock, I went after it, struck it and rescued the sheep from its mouth. When it turned on me, I seized it by its hair, struck it and killed it. Your servant has killed both the lion and the bear; this uncircumcised Philistine will be like one of them, because he has defied the armies of the living God. The LORD who delivered me from the paw of the lion and the paw of the bear will deliver me from the hand of this Philistine.’ Saul said to David, ‘Go, and the LORD be with you.’ ”

David's attitude got him the job, but it’s his humility that should impress and instruct those of us who wish to slay giants. David doesn't seem to be bragging to the king but is simply telling the story that occurred, showing the king that he is fearless and able to take on the giant. I love these words of David because they teach us so much about faith. David had faith that had been tested, and a man who has faith is a man who is worthy to be listened to.

It was clear to the king that David had the most important qualification for giant killing. In reading between the lines, this is what I see: that David was resourceful, brave, and fearless. David could think on his feet and adjust his strategy until he found a way to kill the giant. Check it out and see if you agree.

David speaks with such capability that you trust him. And trust him is exactly what King Saul did. Then 1 Samuel 17:38 tells us that Saul bestowed great honor upon David, “Then Saul dressed David in his own tunic. He put a coat of armor on him and a bronze helmet on his head.” David fastened a sword over the tunic and tried to get comfortable in the king’s clothes and armor. But remember what David said to Saul just a few minutes before? He talked about his experiences in going after a lion and a bear. But he had no experience in how to dress for war. Thus verse 39 tells us, “ ‘I cannot go in these,’ he said to Saul, ‘because I am not used to them.’ So he took them off.”

Wearing that armor just didn't feel right to David. And if you don't feel right, you're not able to kill giants. David knew this and delicately explained this to the king knowing that refusing to wear the king’s armor without adequate explanation would insult him. People had died doing that! Yet the king accepted his explanation and once again placed his confidence in David. And once again, David demonstrated humility before the king in verse 40, “Then he took his staff in his hand, chose five smooth stones from the stream, put them in the pouch of his shepherd’s bag and, with his sling in his hand, approached the Philistine.”

I want to explain to you why David was not being foolhardy, but I can't. You can’t explain faith. You have to see it. You have to live around people that exude faith. So, as David was walking away from the king, I wonder what those standing and watching said? Were there taunts from some of the men? Could David hear the well-wishers’ voices or were they drowned out by those who thought he was a fool? Did the Israelites realize that they were watching history? Can you imagine in your mind’s eye that you are there? Can you feel the moment?

I want to share with you what I feel is so valuable; something that I think could change your life. No movie director has ever been able to capture what I'm going to share with you and if you don't pay close attention, it’s possible that you will miss this moment.

Imagine that you are David and that you are leaving the front line of the Israelites. Imagine hearing the well-wishers and the taunts of those as you pass by. As you begin to enter the valley, the winds shift and you realize the angels of heaven are with you every time you step out in faith and walk toward the giants of hell itself. The angels of heaven see and rejoice when faith stomps out fear, when hope destroys discouragement, when possibility destroys hopelessness, and when men and women take their first steps toward their destiny.

Is God calling you toward your destiny? Is the spirit of the living God drawing you closer and closer to a rendezvous with the giant? Are you getting angry enough to take the steps of faith that are needed to bring hope to the hopeless? Are you? Because if you are, the angels are cheering you on!

Are You Ready to Kill the Giant?

David was anointed king by the prophet Samuel, but as far as his father Jesse was concerned, David still occupied errand-boy status. Jesse sent David out with food in hopes of getting information as to the welfare of his older sons. In 1 Samuel 17:19 NIV, Jesse informs David, "They are with Saul and all the men of Israel in the Valley of Elah, fighting against the Philistines." But they weren’t “fighting with the Philistines.” No, they were in the Valley of Elah listening to the Philistines’ propaganda.

Just as David arrived on the scene, Goliath began shouting and the Israelites ran in fear. Imagine David, this young boy, watching the armies of God—which included his older brothers—running away in fear! David’s father had told him that the Israelites were fighting the Philistines, yet instead what David finds is them cowering in fear! Didn’t they recognize this is an opportunity to gain the respect of the king?

                                                                                

Okay, okay, I can hear you saying, “Are you crazy? His brothers were no match for the giant even if they ganged up on him!” I know, but that's not the point. The point is that David thought like a teenager, not like a grown man. He was wondering why his brothers, who he most likely had up on a pedestal, were so scared of this giant. Suddenly David sees his brothers as cowardly. From David's perspective, this giant was an affront to God and he needed to be destroyed immediately. So why were his brothers just standing around doing nothing? Why weren't they seizing the opportunity to go after this giant?

In 1 Samuel 17:26, David asks the men standing near him, “What will be done for the man who kills this Philistine and removes this disgrace from Israel? Who is this uncircumcised Philistine that he should defy the armies of the living God?” David gets it! And anger begins to boil within him, righteous anger! David was angry at Goliath’s bullying and I believe angry at the Israelites’ cowardice. David stirred up such a ruckus that his eldest brother, Eliab, put him in his place in verse 28, “Why have you come down here? And with whom did you leave those few sheep in the desert? I know how conceited you are and how wicked your heart is; you came down only to watch the battle.”

But the youngest son of Jesse, this mere errand boy who was anointed to be king, was enraged and ready to become engaged—in battle! David had righteous rage at the enemy of God who dared to defy Him in such a public manner by yelling in the faces of the Israelites day after day! I think David was in shock at witnessing God's army cowering in fear.

1 Samuel 17:30-31 says, “He then turned away to someone else and brought up the same matter, and the men answered him as before. What David said was overheard and reported to Saul, and Saul sent for him.”

Saul expected a warrior but what stood before him was nothing more than an errand boy. An errand boy who had just gotten chewed out by his big brother! But that's not how David saw himself, even though that's what his brothers called him and what Jesse inferred when Samuel came to anoint him as king. 1 Samuel 17:32 tells us, “And David said to Saul, ‘Let no one lose heart on account of this Philistine; your servant will go and fight him.’ ”

Do you think there was some jovial skepticism? Some snickering? Some outright laughter? Maybe even some taunts and jeers? In verse 33, Saul said to David, “You are not able to go out against this Philistine and fight him; you are only a boy, and he has been a fighting man from his youth.”

I encourage both young and old to listen to what I have to say. If God chooses you, you are not too small, too old, too ugly, too stupid, or too anything to do what God has told you to do. Even if a worldly king himself stands before you and tells you that you need to pack your bags and go home, if God has called you and has put His Holy Spirit within you to accomplish a task then pursue it with all of your heart. If God has called you to do something, then it’s God’s responsibility to prepare and train you. Your responsibility is to receive God's preparation and training. But there will come a time when you must finally decide to act on the calling that God has placed within you. And, as with David, there will be those who stand around, mock, and criticize. That's okay! In fact, sometimes being mocked simply indicates that you are no longer willing to listen to your stinking giant!!

Do you have righteous anger burning within you? When there is a giant shouting at you from across the canyon, defying you and your God, are you angry? Are you indignant when this giant torments you or your brother or sister in Christ? David saw things in terms of right and wrong. What about you? Are you ready to make a difference in the world? Are you ready to kill the giant?

The Giants in Your Life

The Israelites saw Goliath as he came out of his tent, a terrifying sight to behold. Have you ever been terrified? I certainly have been! Many times! Now the standard method of warfare in their time was to fight by proxy, and Goliath proposed just that. He basically said, “You pick your strongest guy. If he wins, we will serve you. If I win, you will serve us.” This type of warfare reduced the casualties.

1 Samuel 17:11 NIV says, “On hearing the Philistine’s words, Saul and all the Israelites were dismayed and terrified.” Wouldn't you have been if you were in their shoes? Imagine that your enemy is nine feet tall and standing on the opposing hill, shouting at and mocking you. Are you scared? Now how would you like to serve a king who was just as afraid? You see, the Israelites had forgotten who their giant really was. Somehow they had gotten the idea that their king would protect them. As they stood in the ranks on Day One and shook in fear, they saw their king and his generals also quake with fear. They knew then that they were in trouble.

Day One ended as it began with more taunts from the giant. Day Two was no different. Day Three was more of the same. Morning and night, the giant taunted and mocked them. Day after day it continued for 40 days. Day after day, Goliath came out of the camp, stood on the opposite hill, and shouted down at them, shaming their leaders, shaming their soldiers. He probably shamed the soldiers' families, relatives, friends, and ancestors as well.

Day 40 dawned and God was ready to act. David's father Jesse was worried about his adult sons who were at war so he sent David, his youngest son who was a shepherd, to find his brothers and see how they were doing. God had an elegant plan, which involved this young boy, a slingshot, and a stone, to teach the Israelites about His power. God had a plan to prove that there was no one more powerful than He. God had a plan to prove that He had power over giants. When Jesse asked David, who had been anointed king by the prophet Samuel, to deliver a sack lunch to his older brothers, little did he know that he was sending his youngest son on an adventure where he would collide with a king. David's day began as an obscure delivery boy and ended with him becoming the most famous warrior of all time.

But Day 40 was just another day for Goliath. He got dressed, brushed his teeth, and strode out, never suspecting that he would not return. When he got to the edge of the hill, he didn't have to think about what he was going to say. His taunts were working; each day the Israelites were growing more and more discouraged. Each day their hearts grew sick; each day they looked around the ranks hoping that someone would have the courage to fight the giant. There was no reason for Goliath to stray from his script. The discouragement was evident in the Israelites’ faces and body language. Have you ever seen somebody who is discouraged? It affects their facial features, their shoulders, their overall posture, and their walk. Discouragement is deadly. And discouragement was taking its toll on the Israelites. When King Saul woke up that morning, there was no reason for him to hope that help was on the way. He knew that he did not have the courage to face the giant nor did any of his men. This was the price Saul paid for going to war without God’s blessing.

Giants mock and shame us. But God has power far greater than the giants in our lives. There are days when we get discouraged. There are times when it doesn't look like there's any help on the horizon. I know these things because I've cried myself to sleep as I prayed for God to act against the giants in my life.

I know about giants!

Tune in for Part Three tomorrow!

Don't Forget Your Giant!

The story that grabbed me, shook me, and would not let me loose today came from the book of I Samuel in the Bible: the story of David and Goliath. This story is so easy to skip over that a lot of people miss it. I'd like you to read and experience 1 Samuel 17:1-3 NIV, which sets the stage:

“Now the Philistines gathered their forces for war and assembled at Socoh in Judah. They pitched camp at Ephes Dammin, between Socoh and Azekah. Saul and the Israelites assembled and camped in the Valley of Elah and drew up their battle line to meet the Philistines. The Philistines occupied one hill and the Israelites another, with the valley between them."

When I was a boy, I made guns or swords out of every stick I came across. Since guns in my home were outlawed, I used my fingers, twigs, and tools and let my imagination run wild. I imagined that cowboys and Indians roamed the streets and lived in the bushes ready to attack. I envisioned that the cavalry that might someday rescue me was really not that far away.

It is because of this hunger for adventure and heroism that when I read 1 Samuel 17, I can feel the thunder of hooves as the horses draw near. I can hear the shouts of men, the barks of orders, the excitement of being at the brink of war. I can see the columns of men and horses and carts and all the other implements of warfare. I can hear the rumor spreading through the land that the Philistines are coming as residents look to the distant cloud of dust to confirm the news.

Can you see the dust in the high hills? Can you smell the adrenaline of man and beast? Can you taste the dust of centuries of battle? Can you hear the echo of war cries? Can you see the carts loaded with food and provisions? Can you smell the horses, the food cooking, and the sweat from hard work? Can you feel the unspoken fears of the men?

Do you feel like you are there?

Excitement hung in the air. The Philistines had swords, horses, carts, and food; everything they needed for war. The Israelites also had swords, horses, carts, and food; everything they needed for war. The stage was set, everything was ready. Let's continue with 1 Samuel 17:4-5:

“A champion named Goliath, who was from Gath, came out of the Philistine camp. He was over nine feet tall. He had a bronze helmet on his head and wore a coat of scale armor of bronze weighing five thousand shekels.”

  

These verses have an understated elegance. This champion named Goliath was over nine feet tall! Now that'll get your attention. It sure got mine. But you are probably saying that you knew this story already. You’re hoping that I might tell you something you don’t already know, right? Okay, let's review. The Philistines are well-equipped and the Israelites are well-equipped. The Philistines are well-trained and the Israelites are well-trained.

But there’s just one thing: Although each of these armies is ready, equipped, and trained, one of them has trusted in a giant made of flesh and blood while the other has trusted a king who has lost the right to lead.

Tune in tomorrow for Part Two of this important story!

The Real Question

For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord. Romans 8:38-39, NIV.

Sometimes we miss the real question. Life may have had us on simmer for so long that our faith has slowly evaporated.

So before we take another step today, before we butter our toast, smear our bagel, spread our jelly, or pour our cereal, let’s ask ourselves two questions: What do I really believe? Do I act like it?

Father, help me to examine what I really believe. Give me the courage to act like I really believe it!

I Know Pain but I Also Know the King

It is late in the evening and the sun has long since tucked itself into bed. I have not. My heart aches for the brokenhearted, for those whose prayers are yet unanswered, for those whose hope has melted into mist. It is for the brokenhearted and for the forgotten that I pray. It is for the ones who feel hopeless that I intercede. If this sounds like you, then read on. If this sounds like someone you know, then tell them about this blog.

                                              
I have spent a good portion of my life in severe emotional pain due to persistent sexual abuse, emotional torture, and death threats as a child. For years I have lived in unspeakable pain and unbearable sadness. I suffered from migraines since I was eight years old; only recently has the pain become treatable. That treatment came due to a rare double stroke which I suffered as a complication of a migraine. But despite the pain, I loved God and I knew He loved me.

Then I got cancer and life got even tougher. I prayed for death but God had a different idea. He gave me a pastor who loved me and a therapist who understood sexual abuse and emotional torture. He gave me two friends who spared no expense to see me heal. It took a lot of hard work and prayer to heal. It took time and faith and it was a slow process indeed. I have shared these things with you so that you can know deep in your heart that I have a right to speak about these issues. I have been there.

I know pain but I also know the King.

Psalm 31:7, NIV states, “I will be glad and rejoice in your love, for you saw my affliction and knew the anguish of my soul.” God has considered your trouble and mine. Isn't that exciting? God has considered our trouble and He knows our soul! The Creator Himself knows our soul and He knows our heart!

The thing that we don't understand is that God can take the worst times of our lives, mold them in His hands, and transform them into something beautiful. Not only does He know our soul, He knows our soul's adversities. He knows how we react, He knows the depths of our grief, and He knows the fullness of the ache in our heart. He knows because He feels our pain.

Not only does God know and understand, but He has taken the time to consider our trouble. I picture the word considered and see a loving father who looks at our trouble from all different angles. He looks at our emotional reservoir, He looks at our faith and our hopes. He considers our dreams as He looks at what is best for us. He puts the universe on hold and considers us and our situation. Then He takes all of this pain and talks to the Father about us. He talks about you! He talks about me! By name! He confers with the Father about us! And the Father listens because Jesus has paid the price for sin, pain, even death itself. No wonder the psalmist says, “I will be glad and rejoice in thy mercy”!

If you are going through times of trouble, rejoice, because you are not alone. The Father and Son are having a conversation about you! Rejoice and be glad! Use this time of pain and suffering to draw closer to the Father and get to know Him. Remember that God is considering your situation and that Jesus is interceding day and night for you.

It is nearly morning! A new day is coming! And God is in conference with the Son about you! It’s time to rejoice!!!!!!!

It's a Brand New Day!

To begin again isn't hard—all it requires is hope. Hope is a gift from God and is the very foundation upon which all human triumph is built.

So if you are ready to begin again, why not join me in declaring, “Today is a brand new day!” If, like me, yesterday's best is just not good enough for you any more, let’s ask Jesus Christ to fix us!

God wants to create something new in your life! Join me in saying, “It’s a brand new day!”

Look! The first rays of sun are exploding over the horizon. The morning birds are taking flight as they stretch their wings in joy. It's a brand new day! One filled with possibilities and inhabited with God’s promises! Once again I say, “It's a brand new day!!!”

Begin Again for the Very First Time

There are moments when you know you are being asked to begin again. There are times when you know that after this day, nothing will remain the same.

There are times when God says that the gifts that we have brought Him no longer bring Him joy. There are times when God says, “I want you to walk closer to Me than you have before. I want more of you than you have been willing to give.” There are times when He says, “I cannot live without you. I want you to never want to live without Me.”

It is at these times that you realize you must begin again. The leaves of yesterday's dreams may crunch beneath your feet. Sadness may be in your gait because of the dreams that you are leaving behind. But springtime is just around the corner, and as the sap within the tree brings new life, so is life within you through God. You may hear the crunch of dried leaves, but God sees the beginning of a brand new season, a season of hope and faith and joy.

Are you ready to begin again with God? I am and hope that you will join me. I dedicate myself to share a few moments with you each day. These moments will be filled with honesty and hope, reflection and joy. I will share my faith in the One Who has never turned away from me.

This journey will not be easy, but good things never are. Nor will it be simple; living for God is never simple. But it will be worth it for God rewards those who seek Him.